This is a first

I honestly have nothing to type. There isn't much on my mind aside from the lack of sleep i feel as if i'm getting. I have no time for myself. After this week.. on my days off, I want to be by myself and just sleep for a little bit. So if you are my friend and read this, don't even ask to see me. I'm freaking tired.

Thursday Yesterday

was one of the most pointless days, ever. I feel as if nothing was for a purpose and all I accomplished was messing around with my tent and petting these adorable kittens. I WILL have one. But basically my mother wanted me to drive her somewhere, like always.. and  I was in a bad mood so  I was like sure, I'll drive you and get this out of my system. (It was about 9:20 at this time) and we drove to like morganfield and back, for NOTHING! Honestly, I don't know why people can't run their own errands. Because all it was, was a waste of gas and time. I didn't get home until almost 11 and not actually asleep til near 1. so thats LOVELY considering I have to work today from 4-10. At least I can camp as I please now, out in the lovely wilderness. we'll see. I'm just really annoyed today and sleepy, so sorry if i'm a butthead! The end

When I'm a crazy cat lady....

This is what will happen to all of my kitties. I'm picturing a million cats just roaming around my yard with these lion wigs on their heads.

May sucks and old people talk

        I feel really weird being in highschool throughout may because last year I had to skip out on the whole entire month, meaning I didn't take any tests at the end or any sort of scheduling stuff, I still passed, without doing any school work the entire time. It just is weird and foreign to me. Which, April and May both have always sucked for me because these are the months everyone in my family just dies. Surprisingly no one's gone yet. Though some are extremely close...
        I keep thinking about my great grandparents.. All that's left are the women. Men all went first. They're all such sweet, independent, adorable old ladies.. I wanna be like them when I'm old. I thought of that last night. I just wanna grasp as much as I can from them before they go. They all lived such interesting lives though. Had all these stories to tell.. I hope I have stories to tell.. I hope I'm as much of an inspiration to my grandkids as mine are to me, whether I've showed it very much or not. When Grandma cricket and Mamaw James go, I think i'll cry. I never cried at a funeral before until last year.. but then again that funeral was killing two birds with one stone in my mind. I just feel differently about my grandmothers. There's a different connection, I'm closer with them, I aspire to be more like them. And maybe just maybe it'll push me at that point to do so.
       

Nicknames.. There are a few.

Can someone tell me why i come up with so many for people?
Everyone at least has one, if not more.
-First it started in soccer camp, me and my friend rachel were coming up with names for our team, everyone kept theirs to this day surprisingly. Squirt was a good friend.
-Then everyone in my friends liked the same tv show 2 years ago, so we each had a nickname based on a character of that show. That faded.
-Then we had fruit nicknames shortly after. I was strawberry because at the time I had red hair.
-After that I stopped for a while then just this year I've been basing people off of animals, you see theres always a kitten a lion and a leopard. Cats are my favorite and really their own situation. But everyone will remind  me of something.
-Then anyone and everyone could have an old person nickname.. As soon as I looked at a person, I'd picture them old and then give them a name accordingly. I'm Loula Mae. I keep forgetting other peoples names.
-Second to the last set of nicknames was the starting with Cha-"name or part of name" such as, micaela was chamaela.
-Now lately I've been giving  people nicknames based on food. Such as cheeseburger fries and spaghetti beer. But that's not very fitting at all. So I think i'll just stick to everyone's name from now on.

Sleep

This will be all about sleep and things related to sleep. First off, I need some. My sleep has been very little lately. So little that about a week ago I had to sleep in class for the first time, EVER! It's causing some weird things to happen. I'm not dreaming as much either... not really at all. since I got this job almost a month ago, I've been sleeping horrible and not dreaming. It really makes me mad to not be able to dream. Because as a lot of people know I used to dream about 3 super vivid dreams every single night. And now, I've dreamed MAYBE 4 times since i've started working. I think it's due to not sleeping enough or well enough. All I can say is I'm ready for summer so I don't have to wake up so darn early and can sleep in a little more. Goodness gracious y'all.

It's time

to make a pros and cons list!

I miss my childhood friends

If you've ever moved in your life, you might know the feeling I'm having. Like, ever moved schools. Especially if along the way you changed a bit out of not knowing how to fit in where you're going next. (for me it backfired on me and I should've just went all the places as I am). But anyway, for me I've been back and forth from three schools all my life. I'm finally here and since I've just got 2 years left I don't expect to go anywhere.. But I'm really actually missing the places I've been.. The people I knew. McLean's sophomore class in particular. I grew up with those kids, was with them from 1st-7th grade.. and now I don't even keep up with them or anything anymore. And it really took my dad telling me the other day that one of the girls that was my best friend asked him how I was doing.. that made me realize just how much I miss them all and wished I could reconnect with them. When you grow up with people like that and spend your childhood and early teen years with somebody I think those are a big percent of the people who help make you who you are. Help really shape you. It just bugs me that I never see or talk to them anymore, yet I'm there all the time. I wonder what we'd all be like now. Everyone in that group of  friends.. is still friends. I'd feel like a complete stranger around them now.. I don't want to feel that way, but it's been so long.. I just miss them. All of them. All the things I remember..

Ashley spends money

Today I get paid. Plus I still have 150 left over from the last check I got. Sooo, I'll have around $330 by the end of the day if i'm right. I plan on spending a lot of it quite soon.

-Tent: for camping.
-Hair: for spring/summer, finally
-Shoes: because I'm tired of wearing these worn ones or borrowing my sisters.

After doing all that I'll have around 90 left over. What to buy after that? I don't know. By the time I order or get all that other stuff bought I'll be getting paid again. Hallelujah! I want to get everything that I want pretty much before I have to start actually paying my car insurance myself. Cause I have a feeling after that and gas money I wont have much at all left. So Spend away I will. :)

5 thoughts

I feel like sharing with the world what is on my mind.

1. I DO NOOOOOT want to go to the driving class tonight. Everyone has told me it is horrible.

2. I wore boots yesterday to  work and it was the first night my feet weren't killing me. Comfort :)

3. I'm chewing gum even though i'm not suppose to because of acids in them.

4. Yesterday I was super weird sick.

5. My hair didn't turn out how I wanted today. I put the wrong mousse in it :(

The Cowicorns are Powerful Today

So the great and mighty cowicorns are giving me vibes that today will bring much happiness for me. I think my wearing tennis shoes (sneakers, kicks) gives me the confidence I need to peacefully work through this ever so typical wednesday. I always feel confident in tennis shoes, really because I never wear them. But the cowicorns are trying to point something out to me. I just feel it in my heart and SOUL! Bring me the luck today wise cowicorns. Don't let me fail! Your powers are mighty strong today, I sense it.

to seem busy

So, since the lady is telling me to type and I don't feel like getting into it  all, I will. I worked yesterday and it went by super duper quick. I was happy to come home and sleep since I hadn't in 400  days... I like this song sawyers making me listen to. it's happy and nice.. surprisingly. La la la. I need to make a hair appointment because I put it off for a few days now. Its going to have to be today or saturday.
I don't know where I'd like to go get my hair done either.. We'll see. Today's going to be boring because all my friends are gone... I think I get to make up my chemistry test today.. of course it wont matter because i'll surely fail. Last test I just wrote a paragraph about how sorry i was that I didnt understand any of it as one of my answers. But it's all good. maybe one day I'll think of another good topic to blog about. but not today, pal. This girl is  exhausted. I'm napping later. For real.

The Cowicorn

So I was looking at pictures and a cow popped up, but really I was thinking about unicorns. and I said "baby cowicorn" and then I looked it up, and this is proof that baby cowicorns exist.

Plans and Stuff...

So friday I work and go for my license and stuff but Saturday I suppose a bunch of stuff is suppose to be going down. Like all day. If I past my driving test in the morning, then saturday morning I'm suppose to go get my hair done in like a group of others who are also. That'll be in Eddyville cause I like the ladies there, they're awesome. I'm not sure what in the world is going on during the day but something is bound to happen. I cant just sit on my butt all day. I might do some laundry. And then at night I guess a bunch of  our family friends are coming over for a UFC party. It was suppose to be somewhere else, but they all got the bright idea that it should be at our house.. so it'll be packed with people I normally can't stand. Mom was like, you can do whatever and cruise around or have people over too or go somewhere. Just get me a 2 liter of mountain dew and put gas in the truck if you do. So I'm not sure exactly what the real plan is. Nothing's set in stone. Not with my plans anyway. I was gonna have a girl night, might still.. but with all those people in the house? I just don't know, tough choices! Plus I only have so many friends. I literally went through people I knew last night ant besides me there was like 3 other girls I could think of. :/ Oh well, we'll figure something out! On the bright side, I work today :)

I'll be glad when school's over. I know a lot of people feel this way.. but just sayin'. If I could fall asleep around a bunch of strangers and know I'd wake up, I'd be asleep right now..

A teeny ramble

I'm just gonna sit and type today, But only like a paragraph of rambling today. I keep having extreme hot flashes and right now is one of them.. I'm trying to stay busy so I don't just sit here and burn up. I'm really glad I don't work today, because friday I started having these hot flashes while on my way home and I got really itchy and got all sick but I had to go in anyway. I worked 8 hours every day this past weekend. Saturday and Sunday weren't bad at all though. I actually liked those days. Yesterday when I got home we watched this movie and then took a random unexpected trip to wallyworld where I bought a few pointless things.. eew not only am I hot now but my eyes are watering and my stomach hurts. FABULOUS. What's going on? If anyone can tell me, please do. On another note I'm not so sure about cheer anymore. I don't have all my paperwork ready yet or teacher references or my physical... so we'll see. I have to decide by tomorrow so I probably wont. even though I love cheering to death... There are other things. I'm already mad that I'm working near 30 hours a week.. I get paid this Friday :)

Aquarium

Should I make one now that I have money to spend? I've wanted one for a while to set parallel to my bed in my room when I rearrange it. I'm not sure what types of things I'd like to have in one yet. Not just random little fish cause they scare me.. but either turtles, frogs or like a lizard thing. I need suggestions.

100th Blog! :)

I've reached my goal number of blogs! I'm too darn happy. I don't know how many blogs other people have, but for me I usually write one a day, or I try. Not that it matters because they're never really important.. but still.. point is I met my goal and get to make a new goal! although I really wanna type, it'd just be weird to add a bunch of stuff with this. So I'll probably make blog 101 today :) Bye!

April is too busy

So this month is probably the busiest month for me of this entire school year. A lot is going on either at the same time or back to back. First was spring break, then I started my job, pictures today and more work right after school, work all weekend so I'll miss my cousin's wedding saturday, going to see if I can start going back to church, next week is my driver's test and I get my car, the next week is cheer stuff for tryouts and I'll have to see if work will give me later shifts for that too, plus exercising ALOT and practicing for that in the meantime like I have been for months now.. I got my form yesterday too cause I can't go to that meeting and reading over it all made me nervous, there's a lot to do for it in just 2 weeks of time.. Plus i'm trying to change up the way I do things in my day to better myself and work on friendships and stuff... If I just think about it, I'm never this busy. But that's all changing. I know I can handle it all, because I used to be busy like this,  but it's been a few years since I was involved in so much. It'll just take some adjusting and getting used to. I'm really happy that I have a job, but there's a lot of other things i'd like to do too I hope I can work around and make time for both. Even if everything is back to back on some days, I don't want to have to give something up to have another. I've given a lot of things up in my time I wish I could've accepted or done.. and I'd just like to do all these things now for some reason. It's just all at once and that's super stressful but in a good way that keeps me excited and motivated. I'll just be happy when I get paid and get new stuff.. cause i'll be able to do that now.. and pay car stuff. But that's basically what's going on lately.

Spring break/ Job

So I guess it's only natural to talk about my spring break. I left early thursday because of my sudden need to throw up everywhere and didn't go friday either. It was okay I guess. I don't really remember what happened in the beginning weekend other than I was with Micaela and we had a two person "rave". Not even that. we danced in all white clothes in my room with my black light on. Then we drove so many times to this river place. That was my first weekend that I remember. One day we went to Eddyville with Shawnna and the babies. I drove a lot. Me and Sawyer spent a little time together, I wished it wouldve been more than like the 2 days it was. For a couple days I went to my Dad's. There I picked out  accessories for my car. I never thought I'd be the kind of person to use car accessories, but I guess I'll see how it goes. I get that car pretty soon. And let me tell you, if he doesn't fix the right side mirror so I can test in it next friday, I'll be mad! Cause I tried driving my nana's camry, and it's huge compared to that grand prix. I will fail my driving test if I have to drive that, no questions. I practiced in it yesterday and there's no way. I'm so short I just cant see out of it.  I've been driving grand prix's the entire time and that's what I wanna test in. But that's besides the point. I also got a gob towards the end of the break. It's just checkin' out stuff at conrad's, but hey, it's a job! I work 25 hours my first week(this week).. and my feet were killing me on sunday when I got home from my first day. I think I'll get the hang of it, but I HATE getting people cigarettes!! It's the worst thing about the job. I can never know what they're asking for, I'm unfamiliar with cigarette brands and where they're all located and by the time I get all the way back to the stock of them, I've forgotten what kind. These things go through my mind as I stand back there.. Shorts? Full flavored? What to Red 100's look like? I can't even pronounce marlboro. It comes out marblers every time. I'm good with the other kind of tobacco because every single time they want Grizzy Long Cut Wintergreen and a hunting magazine. So those are fun to get. But cigarettes I can't stand to get. I die a little inside every time someone asks for them. On another note I got pretty mad because therapy cancelled. It was ridiculous. But yeah, that was my spring break pretty much...

Heart to Heart

The beginning of this year I came into school not knowing what to expect. I'd had a rough freshman year, rough summer.. so automatically I thought sophomore year was going to be just as terrible. I came in thinking I'd have no friends, and with every intention to do homeschooling after the year was over with. I know I said that I wasn't going to open up about things.. and still, I'm not.. unless it's worth being shared. The past few years have been quite a journey for me. I left everyone I knew, everything I was used to and moved in with my mom for the first time in 8 years. I started off my 8th grade year in a county I truly despised. I was one of the most "popular" girls there, one of the prettiest.. but still no one really liked me.. It  didn't feel like home to me.. and I would get so upset because I didn't think I was ever going to be able to make friends like I had before. We moved here.. and pretty quickly, I befriended a few people. Not the crowd I was used to, but friends are friends, right? I couldn't expect to be on top of the chain everywhere I went. That's just not logical as a new girl. And I'm kind of happy I'm stuck in the middle here. It gives me flexibility to be who I want with no expectations from everyone else. But even then.. It didn't feel like home.. I wasn't having those same automatic connections you get when you first meet your best friends.. I couldn't tell them things knowing they'd relate or understand.. we were all on different levels.. and again I was upset, thinking no one will compare to those friends I had, the life I had and all it's advantages. For two years now I've been with the same guy, and I'm amazed at the fact that I can uphold a relationship for that long. We've had a rough two years as well. Been through a lot. Not really the first half of it, that was like heaven.. I couldn't've asked for anything better and I thought it'd be an easy relationship to maintain. But it's been almost a year since I lost the baby, and it's changed things more than I ever imagined. You grow up a little inside, you see things different, you grieve but you also just want to continue on and just do what will make you happy.. and I never really took advantage of opportunities this year to get back the strength that I've needed, and the happiness I want out of life. I just have moped.. and hated this year because of what happened.. and in order to be okay I need to do that.. And because I just was so negative, sophomore year has been terrible. I haven't been involved in anything, my grades are worse than they've ever been and my dreams of graduating pretty highly ranked in my class, it's ruinned. I just wasted most of my time. But I don't want to waste any more of it.. I don't think I deserve to just waste my teenage years.. or throw them out the window.. If you knew me before all this.. you'd know what I've made myself be this year is never what I wanted for myself.. To fail classes, to have a low self esteem, all these issues going on? no. But There have been a few good things to come out of sophomore year. Of course, my permit and soon my license. I no longer want to do homeschool.. I'm fine with finishing at school, there's a lot I want to accomplish the next two years. I'm going out for cheer again, even though it seems like it really sucks.. I really want to encourage it to be better and show everybody what a cheerleader really is. And I don't mean who can do the most flips.. But where I cheered before I can tell you it was really fun and the girls were actually peppy and looked like they enjoyed it and got into it and wore bows on top of their heads and what not.. and if you cheered there you were proud of it.. and I want to feel like that again.. so if I make it, it best be that way or i'm gonna be disappointed and wear my dern bows and smile anyway! but along with all that, towards this ending of the year.. I found some great friends.. ones that made me feel at home.. I can be me.. and tell them anything comfortably.. Ones just like I had my whole childhood.. I mean it took me three years of living here to find them.. But I'm happy to have found them and hope we stay as close knit as we are now.. I just feel pretty blessed to have found people that are there for me like that again and I cant even explain it.. They may be weird or a little bit crazy, but honestly.. who isn't? but If everything turns out as planned.. I'll have those things left from sophomore year that weren't so bad after all.

Shoes!

I like all of these shoes and want to purchase them or ones similar to them. They might look a bit weird, but it's just my personal taste! :)

I need opinions!

Alright! First off, this is the first time I've ever took open opinions about my hair and will probably go with what is suggested most. As soon as I can I'll be making my hair change for the warmer months. All my options and important details should be highlighted in some way. Just pretty please leave an opinion. But if not, I'll be asking more than just this class.

-Trim my bangs to a normal length or let them keep growing? (They're at the awkward stage)
-Left, right or middle part? (If you suggest middle, I wont cut my bangs cause that's ugly)
-Should I get the red tones out of it before I get my highlights, or leave it in? (more than likey will be taken out)
-Trim my hair? (probably will to make it healthier.. nothing dramatic though because i'm letting it grow)

I really don't mean for my hair to have red tones to it, naturally my hair is more of a cool, light to medium ashy brown.. So the highlights(all over, and a pretty good amount of them) will be cool, sandy colors.

Or I'm open to a few different things being done color wise. NO GOING DARKER! It's spring/summer time and I'm just not into that right now. I'm sort of open to the idea of the ombre thing. If you don't know what that is, look it up, it's basically like faded highlights in large portions toward the end of your hair where your hair would naturally turn lighter.. it just gradually gets lighter. I'm also up for a lighter all over hair color... just if you suggest that keep in mind it must be cool colored based and nothing that will look horrific with light brown/ashy colored eyebrows. Thanks :)

Bad Hair Day?

If you're having a bad hair day, I found ways to fix specific problems and also just ways to fix your hair if you're in a hurry and don't know what to do or you're just bored with your hair. This might be lengthy considering I'm going to use pictures.. So be prepared to scroll, alot!

8 WAYS TO STYLE/FIX HAIR WHEN IT WON'T COOPERATE:

Decorative Bobby Pins! If all you have time to do is just pull your bangs back or lock in a piece of hair that doesn't belong.. but you want something other than just a plain, hair colored bobby pin.. investing in some unique ones I think is a good idea. Of course it doesn't have to be buttons like those. But something as simple as a decorative bobby pin can make you feel a bit more put together, like you meant for it to be that way, even if it's just your go-to hairstyle.

Scarves! They're not only for around your neck. Some people can actually pull this off. I've never tried it, but maybe someday, it's kind of cute.. if you're dressed really casual that day and just wanna throw your hair up and accessorize it a bit.

Hats! I LOVE HATS! I'd buy more hats and wear them more often if I had more opportunities to wear them and not feel like an idiot. If you really have no where else to go, no more ways to fix your hair that day, you can put on a hat like that, and I think it's really cute!

Headbands! They come in all different sizes and designs. Headbands like this one are good for not only holding hair in place, but they're cute as well. You could easily tuck back your bangs if you wanted to and it still look just as pretty.

Dry Shampoo! Okay, now please, don't use this everyday.. that's gross! Dry shampoo is just for times when you're like in a rush, or your hair just doesn't look like you want it too or for second day hair if you're a person who washes your hair every other day. It's just not meant to take the place of a normal shampoo, just to freshen it up a bit. My advice is if you purchase a dry shampoo, get a kind that sprays invisible or dries invisible so you won't have random white flakes or streaks in your hair.

Using Ribbon! There are lots of ways to use ribbon in your hair. For example, in the picture, the girl just has is tied around her head with a bow around the braid. I personally think it's adorable that way. But if you want, you can just tie them in bows or braid it in with your natural hair. It's all up to you.

Braids! I love braids.. but for a braid like above it's kind of difficult to do with shorter hair. There are a lot of different kinds of braids you can do, and it can be all of your hair or half of it, there's really a lot of options with braids. The one above is meant to look messy.. so if you're already having a bad hair day, this would probably be a good option for you. I call it a fishtail braid, but I've heard people call it a mermaid braid as well.

And last but not least, there's always the option to throw your hair up into a bun! It's quick and easy and there are tons of different kinds. Whether it's messy like Lauren Conrad's above or sleek on the top of your head, it doesn't matter, just whatever you prefer. I like most all of them!

Hi! I feel Sick!

Everyone around me has been sick lately. Have I caught it? I hope not. Let's hope it's just monday morning eewness. I had a fuzzy on my shirt, but I got it.. Don't worry. I honestly have no idea what to discuss, but like every day pretty much I feel obligated to make a blog. I want to have over a hundred of them by the end of the year. This is boring. I'm going to go find a topic to make a blog about..

Vacations

I'm too darn excited for all the trips I'll be going on in the next two years. We never really go anywhere.. And I've NEVER been on vacation with my mom so I'm pretty excited. Not only for the smaller ones but there are bigger ones as well. So on spring break, there's obviously Gatlinburg like I've said before. That's if we get child support and what not. But this summer is our texas trip to go see my aunt and uncle in dallas. Summer after that we're wanting to go to the beach somewhere so I can experience it for the first time. And then summer after senior year I'm going to Hawaii. I've always been afraid of planes and giant bodies of water, even rivers and lakes.. but I want to face all those fears at that time and just go somewhere for me. And If I can't find anyone to go with me I'm taking my little sister. She's like, that's embarrassing. But I told her.. no it's not. I don't know anyone who's sister will just willingly take them on vacation with them. But whatever. My mom said that it'll be cool and she wishes she could have traveled like that. Eventually I want to go to Australia/New Zealand as well but that's not any time soon. Sooooo... those are the ones I'm planning and going on with family and then hawaii with no parents. Aside from that, I have no idea what type of places I'll go with my dad's family. Hopefully some more interesting places.. But I'm excited to finally start going places.That's all! Happy Friday!

Uniquely Normal Questions

On this site there are questions, usually I skip around and pick a few, but I'll do them all today.

1. What is your best friends mom's name?Sabrena

2. What is the weirdest place you have a mole? When I was little I had a mole on the back of my hand but somehow it isn't there anymore

3. What is the strangest talent you have? frog killin' I've always been good at that.

4. Innie or outie? Innie!

5. What are your favorite flavored pringles? Cheddar or Original

6. What is the last thing you got grounded for? I got grounded in the 7th grade for hiding at someones house and not answering my phone on purpose. I never get grounded really.

7. Do you parallel park or drive around the block? Prefer to drive around but I do know how to parallel park.

8. How many times have you been cussed out? At least once a week pretty much my whole life!

9. Which shoe do you put on first? Right shoe.

10. Have you ever been cow tipping or snipe hunting? No.

11. Have you ever been in a gay bar? No, I've never been in any bar.

12. Did you kiss anyone before you were 16? Yes

13. Who is the last person you think about before you fall asleep? Sawyer or whoever I might be texting before the time I crash.

14. Is there one thing all of your love interests (ever) have had in common? Uhh, I'm pretty sure at the moment they're all seniors.

15. Have you ever had a poem or song written about you? Yes

16.  Have you ever found anything in your parent's room that was questionable? Haha YES! So many times..

17. What was your childhood nickname? Nicki, everyone called me Nicki from 1st to 7th grade.

18. When was the last time you played guitar? A few years ago.

19. Weirdest thing you have done while driving? Asking what you do at the green light. (I know what to do, I was just panicking)

20. Have you ever bitten your toenails? Eew, no.

21. How do you eat cookies? I always break my food into pieces if I can.

22. When working out at the gym, do you wear a belt? No... I've only gone to an actual gym a few times in my life.

23. Name something you do when you're alone that you don't normally do around others? Sing/dance

24. Ever sniffed an animals butt? No, that's really gross.

25. How often do you clean out your ears? Regularly

26. How many times a day do you get a wedgie? Haha I don't know, depends.

27. Do you have any strange phobias? bodies of water, darkness, paranoid about most everything, birds.

28. Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? Yes, pennies when I was little, and I'm sure other things.

29. Have you ever been dared to do something you totally regretted? Yes

30. Ever called a love interest by an ex's name? No

31. Ever caught the guy you're on a date with farting? Thank goodness no.

32. Opinion about Girls? I'm not fond of having a large group of them for friends. They get on my nerves too fast.

34. Opinion about Boys? They think too highly of themselves most of the time and don't know how to treat other people.

35. Have you ever had two dates in one night? No.

36. Ever kissed in a movie theater? Yes, but it wasn't a big deal or anything like people make of it.

37. What kind of shampoo do you use? I switch it up. We have tons of different shampoos in our shower. Last night I used Redken All Soft Shampoo.

38. Have you ever been tied up? No. And I'd rather stay untied.

39. If you had to chose to only wash bed sheets or bath towels again, which one would you continue to wash? That's tough, I have no idea.

40. Which is most difficult; looking into the eyes of the person you're telling your feeling to OR looking into that person's eyes when they're telling you how they feel about you? Looking into their eyes as they tell me.

41. You can have one of these things: Trust or love? Trust

42. Where do you go when you want to have fun? Driving random places

43. Who is the last person you talked to on the phone? Mom

44. Why does religion cause so much war? I have no idea, but people who make such big deals about it, It's really stupid. Get over it. You stop worrying about what others think or do and focus on yourself.

45. What do you want to do for a career and why? Well, I'm planning to be a psychologist, I want the highest degree for it and all. It just fascinates me.

46. What do you call your grandparents? Nana, Papaw, Papaw J, Granny, Mamaw James, Grandma Cricket. (Those are the ones still alive)

47. What is the best age to marry? Early 20s. For me at least.

48. Childhood pets? Goldie, Sky, and 2 others(fish); Sparky, Coco, Jake, Lily, Rufus, Flora, Posie (dogs); Kitty(cat); and I had two turtles and a hamster named Willow.

49. If you could change anything about how you were raised what would it be? To not have been around parties and drugs and things.

50. What do your parents do for a living? My mom is a nurse and dad works at a factory.

This song is stuck in my head

I like to sing the song "I wanna dance with somebody" by Whitney Houston. I sing it multiple times. Since Saturday it has been a fascinating song to me and I sing and dance to it in my room or outside, wherever really. When I get home, I usually sing it. When I work out, I sing it. At night, I also sing it. I sing this song until someone complains (my sister). I don't sing it back to back unless I'm working out. But in between other songs I do like to sing it because really I love it too much. The words are fabulous and my mother likes it when I plug up my phone and let the song fill our house because it used to be one of her favorite songs as well. Why don't we have good music anymore?

I Do Not Want to Share Things With You.

I've been thinking a lot lately about why I share so much with the world? Why I share my secrets and personal life so easily.. and honestly I have no idea. But I've came to a point where I no longer just want to share whatever with whoever just happens to be there. It gets really complicated that way. There are people who don't ever let anyone in, and then there are people who let everyone be involved and know every detail and emotion. I happen to be more like the second person. I'd rather from now on just be more in between. Only a few people should know the things that get to me or what's going on in my life. I don't want to blurt things out anymore, not that I even did before.. I just feel like I tell people my own details so easily. It just doesn't seem like a good idea anymore to be close to so many people. From now on, you pretty much won't know much about me unless you ask and are actually interested in my being and are genuinely my friend. Because if not, I'm just wasting my time voluntarily telling you things that are going on with me.

ill yoe thud eith my eyes ckidrf

I had zero time to get ready for school today. My makeup is nowhere near complete, I only have under eye concealer on today, and then my hair was just thrown up in a pony tail. I had to wake up 30 minutes before normal so my mother could go to the doctor and have strange things explore her esophagus to discover the bad things that cause her to bleed as she coughs and pukes. I'm scared for her because they're gonna put her to sleep. She's always been afraid of that, because when she had cancer they told her it'd be really dangerous to ever put her to sleep again. But I'm sure she'll be fine. In other news, yesterday I was at sawyer's house and we shot  a bow. I hit the deer in the middle target place every time but like twice. Once in the face and once I got really far away and it released before I wanted it to and it hit this pole and made sparks. I also jumped on the trampoline some. I miss my trampoline.. But anyway, I'm not really very talkative today with most people. I'd rather just sit there again like I had been, not caring much about the things around me. I'm really tired. But I'm always tired. I just dont know what to talk about right now. No new things have happened other than what i've already said. So does that mean this blog should end? No because its only 8:19 and what else would i do? Make a different blog? Yes.

Cheeseburger fries...

Over the Weekend

This past weekend was pretty swell. One of the best ones in a while. It felt more like summer to me and that made me happy. The windows were open and door screens were up, I was outside for the majority of the time and it felt fabulous! I really don't remember friday though at all. If someone asked me what I did, I wouldn't remember a thing. I probably, more than likely took a super long nap. Saturday was wonderful. I woke up at maybe 8 or 9 to the sound of Nana's voice! She came to my house with Papaw and they looked at our lawnmower so that we could finally mow our yard. During their visit I exercised, a lot! They left a few hours later.. Directly after their departure, I changed my shoes and began to mow the yard! It was really hot outside and It made me itchy! After I mowed I had to stand with a water hose and put out our fire that was burning. After a bit I went inside and found something I thanked god for letting me find.... my mail! Haha yeah, my mail. Technically it was mail because i did find it in a mailbox! Seventeen magazine was so interesting to read last night. It had lots of handy information for me. After all the excitement over my mail, I played outside with the babies, Tavion and Millie :) We jumped on the exercise trampoline. That was fun. I went to bed at like 11. Sunday morning came a bit too early! 6:50 to be exact! But I was not at all upset by this. I worked out intensely twice yesterday. Then I went to Sawyer's little brothers 2nd birthday party. It had fish there, and a kitty cat. :)

What I've learned lately

(I was looking for topics to blog about on this site and this is one I knew I could do)

1. I learned  how to make really cute bows. Bailey (my little sister) made me watch a video on it, and it was really a lot simpler than I ever thought it'd be. There are so many different patterns and things you can use to make a lot of unique ones.

2. If I'm putting multiple things in the oven, I need to set the temperature to the highest temperature needed and then check on the other food to make sure it's done every so often so something doesn't get over or under cooked.

3. Effective ways of stretching to make jumps higher. It's kind of painful at first but I'm improving.

4. That full bars are disgusting! I don't care if a doctor person designed them, they taste like cardboard and grass.

5. Life is going by very quickly and I'm not going to pass up any more opportunities leading to the things I love.

6. My cartilage piercing didn't grow up! I hadn't put an earring in there since about 7th grade, and I tried the other day and it worked! It burns though and breaks out my ear because I'm not really suppose to wear earrings that aren't gold. Pretty much everyone in my family is that way.

7. I'm pretty sure Quinn isn't dead on Glee because there are pictures of her in the next episodes spoilers. So that sucks cause I don't really like Quinn.



Well, I could only think of that many things. I'm sure that there are more things I've learned lately, but those just popped into my mind the quickest.

So today I feel really lost. I feel like since I was gone yesterday, I'm going to have no idea what's going on in classes. I also have a quiz today over that book in world civ.. I don't understand it much. After school I have to go to eddyville. We're gonna go see an old lady and a little girl that's my sister's friend. That'll be boring. But mom said I gotta go. Also, today it's mine and Sawyer's two years. And two years ago I honestly didn't know if we'd ever make it this far. I like the fact that we made it through all that we have. Maintaining a relationship is really hard sometimes.. but I love the fella. :)

Other than all that, I don't have much else to talk about. I'm kind of hungry.. and I feel like my hair is still poofy cause when i woke up it was huge. But I'll go now. Happy Thursday.

super lengthy blog

For the past week or so, my mind has been blocked from taking in anything remotely close to what I need to be. It won't let  me think about anything other than personal issues. Over and over and over. Nothing about school, nothing about my nonstop searches to find  a job. I can't focus on any of that. No matter how hard I try to focus on it, I can't. I've probably also been being really short with people lately. I can't help that either. I'm not in the mood to sit and listen right now. It's nothing against the people. My mind just wont stay on whatever you're trying to tell me for more than like 30 seconds. I just to be honest could care less right now. And really I don't care if that's mean or not. I give people advice all the time. For some reason people must think I magically know the answers to all problems or know all the details about a certain situation. I don't. Although I give pretty good, logical advice, I just don't want so many people asking for my input anymore. Because I'm so busy giving other people advice, I'm losing myself because I never listen to what I say to them. Because more often than not, I'm going through it or have already. But like my mother says, I'm a really bad decision maker and so I wish I would have taken my own advice a long time ago. But anyway I got way off track there. Point is, unless I talk to someone first, I'm not to keen on being approached. Is it so bad to just focus on yourself and your own life issues for a little bit? I don't think so. Thing is, I don't know what these things are for the most part, or how they can be fixed. So... I end up doing nothing and let this horrible, angry, sad feeling just lie in my mind. Healthy, I know. It's also SUPER healthy to want to sleep away physical pain and stress. I hope you notice my sarcasm there. ...I hope I find all the things I'm looking for one day.. I don't know what they are. But they're missing, and.. I don't feel very good without what ever it may be. But all of this, and more than just what little I've said, It's taking over every inch of me pretty much. And I'm mentally tired. Physically tired too, but more-so mentally. These are the moments when I really start to wish I didn't have those stupid obsessive thinking habits, when I wish severe anxiety didn't exist.. and neither does helplessness or the fact that in reality, people do run away from you.. that sometimes things are intentional, though you wish they were unintentional.. just hoping all these things are little mistakes leading to something really good. Then you get to this point and you think of all the reasons why there's only bad and not good. You remember everything, and realize your mistakes.. and then know exactly how to fix them but you cant, because no one can time travel forward or backwards.. whichever you need to go. It's either too late or too soon. And maybe no one else thinks in this sort of way, but I do. And I think of these sort of things pretty well 24/7 until my breakdown point. Well, I'm done with this now. It was extremely weird of me to just say exactly what's on my mind.. but I don't care to share everything to the world, we all live off these crazy experiences anyway.. not like anyone truly cares anyway. so yeah.. Thats all. Again, don't be messing with me right now. aaaand done!

No.

Cuss the aliens. My theory was wrong.
Humans are the evil ones.

Aliens and My Brain.

I feel like they have taken over my body and are making me ill and ruining a lot of things. I'm not really even kidding. There is no explanation for the things that are happening within. So.. my guess is aliens. I search for answers, nothing. In my mind I sound kind of paranoid when I read this as I'm typing. But the abduction has traumatized me so much. If you have answers, I need them.. but you aren't a doctor of any sort.. therefore you can't be of any assistance. Only the aliens know, so it is them I must ask. Alien life forms.. wherever you are, return to me. Tell my why you have done these things to make me feel so awkward and confused and weak.

I need to close my eyes for a moment. When I closed my eyes, everything was loud and I felt nothing but dizzy. It's almost as if someone was telling me to just fall back and numerous fluffy clouds would catch me. I know I sound pretty odd right now.. But wouldn't you be too, if no one had the answers you were looking for? Don't we just make up reasons in our head when a mystery is just left unknown? Now I know I'm leading into another subject.. but it's true for this as well as many  other things that when we don't know reality we tend to make things up.. think of the worst but hope for the best.. I'm tired of thinking of the worst thing first. Especially in a time where a lot of bad things are happening. So even if it's like 0% logical, my reason is aliens. If I just keep thinking it's aliens that did and are still doing these things, my only anger will be for the aliens.. because I know they'll never give me the answers, just like in reality sometimes you never get answers. So why think the worst when there are alternatives other than what you  don't even know is true or not and may never know, no matter how hard you search for them.. You might still get nothing.. I'm just going to try not expecting this anymore. -Because they never happen when or how you expect them to. Any good book or movie will teach you that.

I stole Questions this time

- Are you currently in a serious relationship? Yes

- What was your dream growing up? I had a few. To be famous, A big girl cheerleader, and a corn farmers wife. Also I wanted to be the one to feed prisoners.. I don't know why..

- What talent do you wish you had?  Relearn Piano, Better Singing

- If I bought you a drink what would it be? Water of course

- What was the last book you read? PB teen Magazine 

- What zodiac sign are you? Libra :)

- Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where. Yes. Two on the bottom of each year, two on the top of one ear, and my lip. No tattoos although I plan on getting one.

- Worst Habit? 

- What is your favorite sport? If I can't pick competitive cheer and dance, I'll go with soccer.

- Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude? Depends on the day and situation.

- Worst thing to ever happen to you? Losing my baby, hands down.

- Tell me one weird fact about you. At night time, I cant sleep unless all these things happen. 1. covers tucked around me. 2. covers up to my neck. 3. pillows beneath my head and to each side of me.

- Do you have any pets? Yes. My puppies name is Flora. And then my sister's puppy is Posie.

- What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly? Who's showing up.. Because it depends on the person. Normally I don't like surprise company. So you'd probably sit in the living room until I was ready.

- Do you think clowns are cute or scary? Scary. I hate them. They're terrifying.

- If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? Smile. But that'll change at some point.

- What color eyes do you have? All kinds. My ID says blue. But theres green and gray and yellow in them too. I get complements on my eyes ALL the time.

- Ever been arrested?  Nope.

- If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it? get some sort of vehicle, and go shopping and get my hair done. (Sawyer says buy him a birthday present)

- Do you believe in ghosts? YES! They freak me out. I'm absolutely paranoid about them.. In my mind they're all bad and scary and they could be everywhere. I cant be home alone, I cant be in the dark, and I hate having to close my eyes. Simply because I'm that scared.

- Favorite thing to do in your spare time? I spend most of my time with Sawyer or my family.

- Biggest pet peeve? When people do what they swear they'll never do.. Or don't do what they promised they would.

- In one word, how would you describe yourself?  Bubbly

- Do you believe/appreciate romance?  Absolutely!

- Do you believe in God? Of course!

Warm Weather "Fashion"

Things I'm excited to wear in the upcoming months! Thank goodness the winter is coming to an end, something about it just doesn't scream at me "dress pretty" but spring and summer do. So I'm excited :)

High waisted shorts. I love them so much. They're different from just normal shorts and can give something extra to an outfit. I'm excited to get a few pair of them and wear them just like above.

Oxford shoes. These shoes are cute in my opinion. Not just an every day common shoe. And these colors are more springy and summery so I'll try to find some shoes like these. To me, they're cute with a lot of things, and like the shorts, can give something a whole different feel.

Polka Dot/Patterned A-line dresses. I was looking for a dress a bit different than this, not with such flow-y sleeves, but this will do. I really like these dresses for a couple reasons. 1. They're flattering on a lot of people. and 2. For the more back in they day feeling they give off. They're cute and they're in right now. And even if they weren't popular to wear, I still would wear them.

But yeah.. This was a little different kind of blog and I think I'll do more of them like this.. Telling a few things I really like. The whole point of this was to be a beauty related blog.. and I've really strayed from that.. But I'm really in the mood to start doing more of these.. So yeah.. That was just a few of the things i'm excited to wear when it gets warm.. of course I'm not pairing them all together.. But just as just really cute pieces you can mix and match things with. Also, if you hate these things and for future reference too, I don't care about negative opinions. This is just what I like, and you have the option to come to my page and read them. I just want positive feedback for the most part. And like I said these are just my opinions. So there. I guess that's it! Goodbye (:

5 Highlights of Monday

1. I had a massive panic attack in Chemistry 6th period. So we were sitting there, I knew the egg was about to blow up.. I covered my face to hide from it, peek-a-booing out of my fingers. And then... POP! And I scream! I can no longer breathe and while trying to catch my breath the people stare and I begin to cry because I'm scared. What's happening?! I'm dizzy and can't see very well. I need to lay my head down. This lasts for like 5 minutes.

2. I got home and took a nap, when I woke up, there was steak!

3. After a little bit, me and my mommy were on netflix, and this weird movie just automatically starting playing. I don't know what it was called.. and at first I didn't watch it, but then I got bored of sitting there so I started watching this movie and i was hooked. I can't even describe it.. But it was like this independent movie with like 5 people in it.. and it was almost like this guy just followed these people around and they talked and you could hear there thoughts. And at first I just thought these people were weird but then they were eating the "special brownies" and the girl didn't know it was laced with codine and something else. And it was just weird. and in black and white. It really freaked me out, but their reactions to things were funny. So I watched.

4. I was washing my face.. and I needed something out of the shower, so I reach over to open the door and my hand slams into the shower. I fall to the floor and say ouch, that really hurt.. and then I get back up and open the door and then somehow it closes on that same hand. (These are like metal and glass shower doors) but it hurt and now even if I'm barely touching it, it hurts. Later on, I was stepping out of the shower and stepped on the little metal part that makes the shower doors glide. That hurt too, and I tripped.. it was really awful.

5. I went to bed!

:D

Happy birthday to Sawyer. He's finally 18 today. So he has this mindset that he can do anything, it's funny. His mother has a different opinion about that. Anyway, even though this weekend wasn't as great as he'd planned, I hope today goes better and he is a happy young MAN!

Fridy(:

Yeah, I know I said Fridy. Every old person I know says Fridy.. so, why not say it myself! Today is Friday. That makes me extremely happy and joyful and cheery! Life is swell on Fridays. I'm ready for a weekend fun of adventures. A weekend full of slumber or not full of slumber, who knows. I'm ready for a weekend. Just a darn weekend. What kind of person isn't up for a weekend? I hope it doesn't go by too fast. I like my saturdays and sundays just as well as friday. They're nice to me cause they don't make me wake up so early and be at one place for long hours sitting on my bum. Instead I can do whatever the heck I wanna. Fridy, be done! I want Saturdy now!

To get to know yourself

These questions are said to determine what kind of life you lead. They're questions you should ask yourself and answer in self-reflection. I found them at http://personalexcellence.co/blog/101-questions-to-ask-yourself/. I wont answer all of them but Some of them I found unique.

1. Who are you?
I'm Ashley. But I really don't like that name for me. It's too common and was given to me for stupid reasons. I'm a Libra. I'm stubborn, I'm indecisive, and like equality and happiness. I like the beauty of things, all things. I like to write stories, I like to sing and dance. I take little details seriously and most everything to heart. I'm forgiving, probably too forgiving. I know I'm meant to be around people. I love being adventurous and happy but am super emotional at the same time. I'm just me.

2. What achievements are you most proud of?
Being super smart when I was younger. Up until highschool I was really good at school and sports, and I'm happy at the time I was involved in that. I won the baby pageant and that made me happy. I got best all around cheerleader in middle school. I'm proud I have my permit and am a good driver.

3. What are you most grateful for in life?
My family and other people who I'm close to. The support of a lot of people.

4. What are you passionate about?
People really. I love interacting with people. I spend time with my family all the time, I hate not having as many friends as I'd like to, I'm going to beauty school to deal with people every day and then going on to school to more than likely be a psychologist. So I'm a people person definitely.

5. How can you love yourself more today?
By finding little things about myself to compliment.

6. What is your ideal self?
To be happy with my appearance, make good choices for myself, don't hold grudges, help even more people, go to church more often, level out my emotional side, and accomplish all of my goals.

7. Look at your life right now, are you living the life of your dreams?
Not yet. Some things I never dreamed for myself or would never wish for anyone. My dream life would have gone a bit differently so far. But I plan for it to get better so that one day I might live the life of my dreams.

8. What advice would you give to yourself 3 years ago?
Stop looking like that. You have no idea what your doing and thank god towards the end of the year you'll start to look and dress a little better! Also Stick with cheering, don't give up, you love it. And prepare yourself, you're about to meet a guy you'll be with for a looooong time and go through a heck of a lot with!

9. What is the biggest thing you've learned to date?
Don't skip out on opportunities you really want to accept.

10. What opportunities are you looking for?
Mainly at the moment a job.

11. If you are to do something for free for the rest of your life, what would you do?
Travel and help people who need it. Kind of like charity or missionary work mostly for people with families or are in a bad place.

12. What would you do if you couldn't fail, if there are no limitations on money or time?
Travel the world and enjoy all the things about it aaaand cheer again

13. What do you want to achieve 1 year from now? 3 years? 5 years? 10 years?
I want to be making way better grades and actually doing something with my time.
In three years I'll have been graduated for like a year I think and I'll be in some type of college.
In five years I'll still be in college, probably married, if not I'm not sure what else.
In 10 years I want to be out of college, married, and hopefully with a kid!

14. What is top priority in your life right now and what are you doing about it?
Finding a job because I need one and I've tried everywhere like 10 times. For real. And I'm continuing to go places and try more. If I haven't found a job here by April when I get my license I'll just have to go to other towns because I cant pay car insurance without money.

15. If you were to die tomorrow, what would be your biggest regret?
Not making the best of what I had and taking all my chances.

16. What is your ideal home like?
Brick, 4 bedroom. On the outskirts of a town. A giant yard and black fencing around it. If I wasn't terrified of horses, there would be some. There would be a pond and a pretty decent sized garden in the back. The inside would be all modern updated equipment but decorated in a country style, really homey but still have modern touches. I like warm colors so there would be a lot of that. Warm scents and seasonal decorative touches as well.

17. What can you do to start living your ideal life?
Doing more of the things that I love, start setting more realistic goals for the moment and working on achieving them, taking more opportunities, making money!

18. Are you settling for less than what you're worth?
Sometimes I do, in the past I did a lot. But I'm trying to start getting away from that.

19. What are bad habits you want to break?
Taking naps after school, Chipping off my nail polish purposely, (sawyer says I nag)

20. At what times are you most inspired, motivated or charged up?
When someone makes me angry or does something I disagree with I want to change it. OR just the opposite when I see something I love or am about to do something I've looked forward to.

21. How can you change someone's life for the better today?
Compliment them, Help them if they're struggling, Give them honest and helpful advice

22. Who are the 5 people you spend most of your time with?
Sawyer, Mom, Bailey, Nana, Everyone at school because 8 hours of my day are there.

23. What kind of people do you enjoy spending time with?
Funny people, not stupid funny, but actual funny. People who like to talk about different things and get in depth conversations going. People with similar interests as me.

24. What limiting beliefs are you holding onto?
What my adult people around say that I'm just little and can't do anything or shouldn't or "never will achive this or that"

25. Are you putting any of your life on hold? Why?
A little bit yes. Because at one point it was going okay and then It just stopped so now I'm waiting a while to pick back up. And I'm using this time for me. I know that probably doesn't make sense but it does in my mind, in my situation.

Blob fish

Blob fish are really ugly. I just thought I'd put up a picture of this little fish and show you. I don't expect this blog to count because I know it'll be short and it's not serious. But here you go. This human-like fish survive in the deep seas of Australia and Tasmania. They are currently facing extinction due to people fishing for them. The end.

Birthdays, Skin, Spring

It's gonna be Sawyer's birthday next monday, he'll be 18! :). I get to make him a strawberry cake with green tinted icing, it's a turtle themed cake. That's what he wanted. I'm excited, cause little things like that and just spending time together I think is important, most of the time it's better than any present they could've got. So I'm just excited for him to be 18 and also graduating soon.

Yesterday I did this facial mask and it felt like my face was burning off, but it worked. I have pretty dry skin naturaly, so I use exfoliants and masks and moisturizers a lot. It stings a lot, but in the end it's worth it to have soft skin. I'm almost out of my benefit moisturizers, which is bad.. Cause it's the only moisturizer that works on me and doesn't break me out. I started out with the little travel size sample, and now I want the full size but geez louise, it's $25. I need it for my skin though. We'll see.

I'm anticipating the spring. I want it to be here more than I want a new pair of shoes or for my stomach to not hurt so much sometimes. I like sunshine, and I want warm sunshine and earlier sunrise and later sunset and chirping little animals and all the wonders that come with spring, like at the end when everyone reopens their pools and your swimming again for the very first time of the year! IT'S MAGICAL! Just to be able to walk about the yard in shorts and a tshirt and be happy with your glass of strawberry lemonade (though I don't like lemonade). The time of year where people start dying their hair lighter for these warm months (I am) and when most people chop their hair off (but im letting mine grow). It's also the magical time of me getting my license. april 19th better prepare itself. It's the time of great adventure and I am awaiting it's arrival ever so impatiently! :)

Boredom and Failure

This year has been terrible. I've hated Sophomore year more than any other year in my entire school history. I've never done so horrible in the majority of my classes. It's just been a bad experience for me. It's made me angry a lot and I've grown to dislike twice as many people as I did the year before. Basically, I'm just trying to get through this year without failing and for summer to get here. I don't think I've ever wanted summer so bad. Maybe because it's the first summer i'll have my license.. but also because I strongly dislike going to school anymore. And I'm almost mad at myself for hating it so much. Because before I moved here, I was like all about school.. I liked it pretty well and it didn't really bother me other than having to wake up an hour earlier than I have to now. I was good at things and was proud of myself for all the things I accomplished.. and I don't feel very proud of myself anymore.

You know, I do nothing with my time anymore. That's something I hate too. All my life I was either in gymnastics, soccer, basketball or cheer. Now, I don't do anything. Don't really talk to people. Don't do anything over the weekends unless it's with Sawyer or my family. They're pretty much all I associate with. And that doesn't bother me much at all.. But we never do anything or really go anywhere. I can't say I ever use my time productively or doing something I enjoy.

I'm just so tired of these current situations. There has to be a better way to live a life. Doing things you can be proud of and not just doing things just to get by. Doing things just to get by and taking easy routes don't make me happy. I want to feel accomplished again. For the past few years I've let myself get off track. I was never -ever- one who liked to be a loser and just sit around and watch a clock pass through minutes of every hour. I'm just really disappointed in the way I let myself get. I think I'm just ready for summer so I can have the time to do what I want and really figure out how to get back on track and what my next move is. I really don't want to keep being so boring all the time. When I'm old I want stories to tell my adorable little grandbabies like my grandparents tell me. They wont be very amused if all I have to tell them is that I was a homebody all my highschool life and did horrible in school. That's not something a person will be proud to tell anyone. So yeah.. i'm just tired of boredom and failure.

Drinking your food?

So how do you feel about the idea? Do you have any knowledge about this drinking your food thing that people do? My uncle just came in my house this morning and was telling my mom that while she was in Paducah today to go and buy him a juicer for both vegetables and fruit. He says some people lose weight that way, but the concept to him seems fun to just drink everything and hardly ever have to chew food. It kind of seems interesting to me too, except I'd rather blend my stuff. We just bought a blender for our house. I don't think i'd cancel food out that is chewable, cause I know i'm not going to blend my veggies or my meat I don't think.. no, I wont. Probably just going to start drinking fruit more than eating other things. I love fruit and could probably live off of it. But I've never really drank my fruits on a regular basis.. and maybe I should. I think it would be yummy. I already only drink water, like that's it, nothing other than plain ole water.. so using fruit to drink could switch it up. I think I'll probably try it though. we'll see.. he definitely got me thinkin' though.

An update from the desert/complaint

I'm dying here in Africa. These people are giving me diseases and staring at me with crazy eyes and they're  going to hang me up from the tips of the tallest monument in their village. My skin is being eaten away by little bugs and I can't escape! I haven't any food or water for 7 days and I'm dying.. I'm dying here.. Help!

So that was that.. Anyway. I wish people would just be quiet sometimes, the amount of headaches I gain in this class are far more than in all other like 6 hours of the day or whatever. Really, do people HAVE to scream to the person right next to them? I guess so. I prefer whispering or some sort of inside voice. With that, no one can really hear what I'm saying if they're across the room.. When you talk so loud, everyone can hear everything pretty well. It causes my tolerance for people as they are to decrease.. it makes me angry and a lot of the time I could probably scream, myself, because of how much it gets to me that no one learned anything in kindergarten about behavior in the classroom. I was taught my inside voices and really, if we were talking sometimes that was really bad. I was taught to not even speak unless asking the teacher a question.. This was pretty much all my years of school. And when I can hear others and it distracts my own train of thought it makes me want to cuss. at everyone. I'm highly annoyed right now.. And don't care if this is offensive to anyone, because I'm pretty sure I've got the right to complain if something is loud. I'm tired of not speaking up about how I feel about things, and that's just  it. I mean and it's not just this class that gets loud, my 7th period can't keep quiet either. Which is awful, because the first class and last class I have should not make me so angry sometimes. I like peaceful and quiet. And to those who this angers, I'm not sorry because you should know to use an inside voice. It's as simple as that, no need for trouble. I just want my environment to have an appropriate volume. We're not outside or in a gym or trying to get someones attention in a grocery store who's an isle away. we are less than a foot away from one another. i-n-s-i-d-e v-o-i-c-e-s..

Well, I started this post as something nice and random, but it ended rather rude, but maybe if people don't  listen to a teacher, they'll listen to a peer. I'll give it a shot.. Just not everyone likes the loud chatter. I'm just saying, there are other people in the room. Which will lead me to another post another day about selflessness.

Excitement

So yesterday, we got our taxes. It made me super duper happy. So now, were gonna pay some things off.. Get mom a new car (hopefully the '12 Kia optima in red).. were gonna get some couch covers.. cause if youve ever seen our couch, it's floral and hideous.. a new kitchen table.. my prom dress (if i bring my F up, and I'm SO close to being able to go)... and some other things. But we're also going to be getting even more money from back child support.. and that's almost $2,000 extra. So yay. We've got a lot planned.. and I'm excited for it all. And as soon as my dad gets his taxes in, he's gonna get a new car and I get his grand prix. I like it a lot, so I'm just waiting for that moment as well. The point of this was to just vent about my excitement. So there it is :)

To get to know someone

So again, I'm going to do a Q&A blog. I came across a site that said like 50 questions to ask a girl before you marry her. Just to get to know her better I suppose. I'm not going to be answering all of these. Probably just 20 or so. I'll do every fourth question until I run out of time. So here it goes!

1. Do you think that in this world today, a relationship between a man and woman can be happy and well adjusted? *Yes, if the two get along and share the same values, and really understand and support each other.. it's possible with effort.

2. What is your idea of an ideal career for you to have? *I would major in Anthropology and travel the world/country studying cultures and doing excavations.

3. What is being happy all about in your mind? *Fulfilling needs, accomplishing goals, surrounded by support and other happy people.

4. What do you feel your 5 weakest characteristics are? *OTD, jealousy, no organized schedule, scatterbrained, sleepyhead.

5. Have you ever had a hard time getting along with your family? *Quite a few times we disagree, or have fought, it can get pretty severe at times. I have a very emotional, stubborn family so yes it's difficult sometimes.

6. When you go out and about with your friends, where do you like to go the most? *Well, usually were just either at each other's house or church or I used to go to the movies or the mall or games with my friends.

7. Do you feel that your future is going to be filled with adventures, or do you view it as boring? *I'm hopeful that I'll have as much adventure as possible.

8. Which has a higher value in your mind, relationships with people or monetary gain? *relationships with people. It's less selfish and I like knowing all kinds of different people.

9. Do you imagine yourself a mother with a houseful of kids one day? *Of course! I love children and intend on having a couple.

10. Are you a person with a positive attitude, or do you look at life negatively? *Sad to say, but probably more negative than positive.. just because of my experiences. I try to be positive about some things, but others not so much.

11. Are you an animal lover? If so which pet would you have and why? *I like some.. not very many. As most people know i'm terrified of half the animals on this earth. I hate butterflies even, they're absolutely terrifying as well as birds. But if I had to chose a pet, it'd be some kind of teacup puppy.

12. Have you had the most embarrassing moment in your life? If so what is it? *I've had many embarrassing moments.. I embarrass myself quite often, but nothing I would say has been over the top.

13. Do you get along with anyone you meet or are you picky about who you get along with?
*I'm pretty picky.. If we don't really have similar interests or styles or values I'm not going to get along with them as well as a person who does share those things.. of course i'd probably try to be friendly and associate when necessary, but I'd prefer to be around similar people as me.

14. What values do you think is important for all people to have? *You should want to respect yourself, respect others, want to do good in life, good work ethic, don't judge people if they've done nothing, a religion should be set in your mind (even if you're one who doesn't believe in god, you should know what you do believe in, if anything), traditions are also important I think (past ones and starting your own).

15. What do you consider undesirable traits for guys to have? *lazy, bad hygiene, poor fashion, bad temper, unsupportive, big ego.

16. If you were to win a trip somewhere, where would it be and why? *First off, I'd have to recover from my fear of planes.. If that was solved, I'd want to go to Greece. I think  it's a really beautiful place.

17. Where do you think fashion will go in the next 10 years? *I honestly don't know.. I was watching clips from the NY fashion week the other day.. and this year's fall fashion looks crazy. I really wish the 40's/50's style would make a come back in a more modern way.

18. Where are your favorite family type places to go? *My family always went to Gatlinburg when I was growing up, just about every summer.. So that's probably where I like going best. As far as days out, we go to the mall or out to eat sometimes.

19. Do you see marriage in your future or are you against it? *I see marriage. I don't think marriage is for all people though. Some people who are content and able to support themselves are better off alone sometimes. But I do plan on getting married.

20. If you had a relationship with someone who became partially incapacitated physically, would you continue to be by there side? *absolutely, I loved them before, and if you love someone you should stick by them no matter what disadvantage they have. Be supportive of them.

Talking About Hair

Lately everyone thinks I've made a change to my hair. I haven't. It's kind of funny to me when people comment on it. I don't mind it, I just haven't changed it since december.. so I just don't see where people get it from. But it's okay. I won't make another change to my hair until spring break probably. I'm letting it grow, and don't really want to change it until I know that I'm going to prom for sure and then because spring break is closer to prom, I'll make my changes then. I usually always do a spring/summer change.. usually something lighter, even if it's not much. We'll see when the time comes. But as for now, my hair remains the same that it has been for about two months. I'm leaving it be, trying to restore some of it's health and let it grow.
I think giving your hair a break is good. A break from coloring and harsh damage, like using heat on your hair. (When you do use heat, don't forget your heat protectant!!!) That time for me is coming up.. Spring and summer, I just really don't do much to my hair. I hardly ever straighten it, I'm not going to color it so much, if any! Maybe a root touch up. But while I'm on break, so will my hair. This year I'm starting that for myself. I just don't want fried, nasty hair... It's gross. So I'm going to prevent it. Most of the time in the summer my hair's on top of my head anyway. OH! also, on really hot day, or days where there's a lot of sun and you know you're going to be outside a lot, use a heat protectant then too, The  sun can do damage to it as well. It doesn't matter much.. but if you really want to be on the safe side that's something you can do. But I just wanted to say that, i thought it was funny how people have been coming up to me asking me about my hair, I haven't done anything to it.. and I won't until spring break. Well that's it for this time!

My Weekend

This weekend was hectic for me. I probably really didn't do all that  much, but the stuff that I did do, seemed like it took forever. So here's how it went. Friday I went home and took a nap that lasted an hour or two then woke up and asked bailey about her dance she went to, then went to revival. It was surprising to me how much I got into that. I was there for about 3 hours. Then I went home and fell back asleep. Saturday at 5:50AM I woke up and got ready to go babysit Tucker, this little boy that lives down the street from me. I was there til almost 2pm.. It was quite an adventure.. When I was done with that I went to the store and picked out some stuff I wanted for valentine's day from my mom, cause that's how we do valentines day I guess.. we just get little presents. Then I came home and got ready for revival again. It was pretty good that night too. I really missed going to church, so I'm glad that I went. And getting to experience prophets was cool too. I wanted one to come up and talk to me but none of them did. Anyway I came home and I slept all night and most of the day Sunday. Yesterday the transmission in our car went out, so that's AWESOME! I was freaking out trying to find a ride to school, it took hours, but Terra finally said she'd take me and I was happy. We're getting another vehicle to use until ours is fixed (who knows when that'll be), but I really like our back up vehicle so yeah :). I got up today and mom didn't know I found a way to school, and she was like if yall wanna stay home from school you can. and I said no! Any other day I would've probably stayed. But yeah, that was my weekend! Overall I was really satisfied with it, and I hope this week is just as fabulous. I hope everyone also has a good week and a good Valentines day. I know I'm excited to go eat somewhere with Sawyer. But yeah, that's about it for today!!

prorfvkvdna :)

Yesterday I went to a donut store and got a cimmonin stick and donuts and something that tasted like a pancake.. i didnt eat them all though. I just ate my cimmonin stick and then this morning my pancake thingymabob with PECANS and I HATE PECANS! Today, I'm once again sleepy. But today is different, today is friday. Today I do not care if my hair is a mess or if im just in a tshirt and holey jeans and shoes that yes  indeed are beginning to fall apart. Stupid sperrys. I just don't think i'll do much today in my classes, not that I would anyway on days like today. But still. It's just awful, and I even ate breakfast. My hair is really static filled. I come to school today, with only the power of mascara on my face. I didn't feel like makeup. I'm glad it's the weekend. This one ESPECIALLY because i'll be attending an excessive amount of church. I like it. yeah.. well... yeah