Boredom and Failure

This year has been terrible. I've hated Sophomore year more than any other year in my entire school history. I've never done so horrible in the majority of my classes. It's just been a bad experience for me. It's made me angry a lot and I've grown to dislike twice as many people as I did the year before. Basically, I'm just trying to get through this year without failing and for summer to get here. I don't think I've ever wanted summer so bad. Maybe because it's the first summer i'll have my license.. but also because I strongly dislike going to school anymore. And I'm almost mad at myself for hating it so much. Because before I moved here, I was like all about school.. I liked it pretty well and it didn't really bother me other than having to wake up an hour earlier than I have to now. I was good at things and was proud of myself for all the things I accomplished.. and I don't feel very proud of myself anymore.

You know, I do nothing with my time anymore. That's something I hate too. All my life I was either in gymnastics, soccer, basketball or cheer. Now, I don't do anything. Don't really talk to people. Don't do anything over the weekends unless it's with Sawyer or my family. They're pretty much all I associate with. And that doesn't bother me much at all.. But we never do anything or really go anywhere. I can't say I ever use my time productively or doing something I enjoy.

I'm just so tired of these current situations. There has to be a better way to live a life. Doing things you can be proud of and not just doing things just to get by. Doing things just to get by and taking easy routes don't make me happy. I want to feel accomplished again. For the past few years I've let myself get off track. I was never -ever- one who liked to be a loser and just sit around and watch a clock pass through minutes of every hour. I'm just really disappointed in the way I let myself get. I think I'm just ready for summer so I can have the time to do what I want and really figure out how to get back on track and what my next move is. I really don't want to keep being so boring all the time. When I'm old I want stories to tell my adorable little grandbabies like my grandparents tell me. They wont be very amused if all I have to tell them is that I was a homebody all my highschool life and did horrible in school. That's not something a person will be proud to tell anyone. So yeah.. i'm just tired of boredom and failure.